Girl Confessions
1. Do you sleep in your bra? I definitely don’t.
2. Does your dad know you like boys yet? I think he knew that when I was in fifth grade and told him I thought a boy in my class was hot…
3. Do you enjoy drama? I enjoy other people’s drama…but not if I have anything to do with it.
4. Are you a girly girl? Meh, Not really. I think I’m just enough of a girl… But it’s hard to be a girly girl when all your friends are dudes.
5. Small or large purses? Large, you can fit more books in them (:
6. Are you short? Nah, average.
7. Do you like somebody? Nooope.
8. Do you care if your socks are dirty? They can be dirty all they want as long as they are not on my feet.
9. Do you like Halloween? I love it (:
10. Are you double jointed? my jaw is… ahaha
11. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? I fell asleep on a gazeebo thingy once.
12. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours? Can’t say that they have.
13. Is there any type of rumor going around about you? Nah, I think that kinda thing really only happens in high school and in magazines. haha
14. Do you call anybody by their last name? A few people.
15. How many guys will read this just because it says “Girl Confessions”? However many guys read my blog. Which is probably none. haha
GIRLS BE HONEST…
16. What color is the bra that you’re wearing? I’m not wearing one.
17. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys? dark.
18. Are you currently frustrated with a boy? Not really.
19. Do you have a best friend? Not really.
20. Have you ever had your heart broken? Once.
21. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery? Nahhh.
22. Do you like your life? For the most part
23. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on? Jumped, got pushed in, whatever.
24. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys? Boys.
25. How long have you had a Facebook? Since Chicago made it for me. Idk. couple years…
26. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face? Punched….
27. What are your biggest fears? Not being able to do what I want with my life.
28. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Yeah, a long time ago.
29. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind? All the time aha
30. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”? I believe that every person is different, but I do believe alot of cheaters think that if they can get away with it once, they can get away with it again.
31. Have you ever had a good feeling about something? Yes?
32. Do you ever wish you were famous? Fame kind of comes with the career I want… but we will see.
33. Are you currently missing someone? Yes,
34. Who are you texting right now? Patrick.
THIS GUY OR THAT GUY? PICK ONE…
35. Cowboy or gangster? That’s like asking the redneck or the illiterate douche bag
36. Face or body? Face.
37. Sweet or sexy? Both?
38. Contacts or glasses? Either…
YOURSELF…
39. Eyeliner or mascara? Mascara
40. Pink or black? Black
41. Pumps or flats? Flats
42. Skirts or pants? pants
43. Socks or leggings? leggings
44. Hoodies or jackets? jackets
45. Heels or sneakers? sneakers
46. Straight or curly hair? straight, but I’m usually too lazy to straighten it these days.
47. White or black? White….?
48. Smoothies or lattes? Smoothies.
49. Diet or regular sodas? regular
50. Water or Daiquiris? Water
51. Pearls or diamonds? diamonds
52. Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen? Mary-Kate?
53. iPod or cell phone? cell phone…
54. Friends or family? Depends.
55. Lip gloss or lip stick? Lip stick
56. Manicure or pedicures? Pedicures… Manicures just get trashed when I play my guitar.
57. Tank tops or beaters? rank tops…..
58. Big sunglasses or small? big.
59. Sunglasses or purses? purses.
IN A GUY…
60. Funny or serious? Both… but I loooove funny like 90% of the time haha
61. Romantic or daredevil? Daredevil, lets face it, I’m just not a romantic person
62. Dark eyes or light eyes? light
63. Long hair or short hair? Medium length longish? haha
64. Curly hair or straight hair? straight
Made of Glass.
Being happy isn’t a crime.
Taking chances is a part of life.
Being hurt after taking that chance, is not the end of the world.
I will have a shot at my own “fairy tale”, which won’t be anything like the books.
It will be full of happiness, anger, sadness, loss, and gain.
Because that’s reality.
and if I fall, I will get back up and keep fighting, because it’s my life.
and I am not made of glass.
Frozen
I haven’t written a full song in over a year… I’ve barely picked up my guitar in months… and I haven’t finished a book in a year.
Everything I’ve always found so much joy from doing, like shutting myself in my room and reading a book, or writing a song that actually explained how I felt, I can’t do any of it anymore.
I still find so much joy in singing, but I don’t sing anything original anymore. I find myself in tears listening to other people’s music but I can’t write anything of my own anymore.
I feel so much… I have so much I want to write about.
I want to write a song finally telling my ex goodbye, and then I want to STOP giving him so much credit by blaming him for everything that’s wrong with me.
I want to write a song about how this incredibly wonderful boy came into my life and swept me off my feet and how much I HATE the fact that the only thing I can do is doubt him. I want to write about how I feel like I don’t deserve something this wonderful to happen to me.
I’ve chased so many people away because I haven’t felt like I was ever good enough for them, and this guy makes me feel more amazing than I’ve ever felt before and I can’t even bring myself to trust him because it all feels too good to be true.
I want to write about how I want to know WHY I can’t just take a chance, why my first instinct is to DOUBT someone. Why I feel like I am just not destined for something this great. Somebody who comes into my life and within hours, already makes me feel like I’m perfect the way I am, and he wouldn’t want me to change a thing.
Why I can’t just let go of the past… Why does your past have to have so much control over you?
Because people lie. EVERYBODY LIES. And here’s what I don’t understand is why the hell boys feel like they need to say these things when they just plan on leaving. I’m sorry but do I give off some sort of signal that says, FLATTER ME, TELL ME WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO IN ORDER TO GET ME TO TRUST YOU, I’LL BE FINE WHEN YOU WALK AWAY TWO WEEKS LATER.
I don’t ask for ANY OF IT. I don’t ask for you to flatter me, I dont need you to tell me I’m beautiful, or that you’ve never felt this way before. I don’t need ANY OF IT.
So why? Why do you feel like you have to say things you don’t mean, just so you get your week or two of attention?
But you know what, it’s fine. It hurts for about a day and then I’m back. I’m strong enough to move on, and thank God it takes me less time to move on than it did for me to trust you.
But here’s the thing… I may not FEEL the pain anymore… but I’m scarred. Not from anybody inparticular… so no, you may not feel like you’re doing much damage.
But I’m also sure you don’t realize that you’re not the only one who has done it.
I’ve lost track, and quite honestly, you all have made it IMPOSSIBLE for me to even feel like I can trust a soul.
But you know what sucks the most? Is that guy might actually show up one day, and he will say all the things I’ve heard a million times before but he will actually MEAN IT… he will mean it with everything inside of him and I will be too god damn stubborn and terrified to believe him, and who knows, I might miss my chance to actually fall in love with somebody who is genuine and sincere and WANTS to stay.
Why? Because you used those magic words that get a girl to trust you just so you could get your dick wet for five minutes.
So I’m frozen. Why? Because I feel NOTHING anymore.
This is something I’ve wanted to admit for so long, but never had the balls to do it.
I feel nothing anymore. I’m the girl who has a one night stand with you, and you won’t even cross my mind the next day. I’m the girl who deletes your phone number after we have sex. The girl who doesn’t spend the night.
Because some boy I was in love with dealt with my bullshit for TWO YEARS, and the second he got me in bed, he was done.
Because I’ve seen that a guy will go to any length, he will tell you he loves you and wants to be with you forever for TWO GOD DAMN YEARS all so he can have sex with you, and once he does he’s done.
So I spent two years after that, trying to feel something. Crawling into bed with anybody who wanted me, thinking, “Maybe this time, I’ll feel something”
and every single time… Nothing.
And now… I might actually have the opportunity to feel something again. If only I could trust him…
I hate that if he’s sincere, he has to pay for it. every lie, every game.
I hate that I feel like I have to tear my heart open just to feel.
and I hate that it feels NORMAL to be doubtful, and suspicious.
I hate that I feel CRAZY for even wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I hate that part of me wants so badly for this to be real. Because it means that even a tiny bit of me, wants to fall in love. Wants to be vulnerable for somebody…
I hate that I feel like if I trust him and he proves me right, that I’ll never be able to open up for someone again.
and I hate that I feel like if I don’t trust him, I could be missing something great.
I hate that it actually feels crazy to me that somebody could be this blown away by me.
Just the way he looks at me feels like it’s enough for me to forget everything, every time a guy gained my trust and then disappeared.
and I hate that I can’t even write a song about how I feel.
I hate that no matter what I do… I’m floating through my life… slowly…
But I’m really frozen. Because I’m too afraid to feel broken again.
But now I’m just trying to decide…..
What’s better…. Frozen or Broken?
Maybe if I’m broken, I’ll atleast be feeling something….
“Intelligent” people vs Outspoken people
This held more significance in my day than a simple update on facebook. Yesterday I was having one of those “Terrible, Horrible, No good, very bad day”s. So I went to Barnes and Noble after work and was standing in the Fiction and Literature section (already bummed because I realized I already own every single one of Palahniuk’s books, so I had to search for some other author to catch my interest. I’m quietly searching through books and there are these two people, from the sound of their voices and their topic of conversation, definitely about 18-20 years old. Boy and girl. I’m hearing curse words left and right, loud, obnoxious voices (in a peaceful environment), the guy is talking about some “bitch” but how “good she was in bed”, the girl is asking things about her like “Doesn’t she have her nipples pierced?” …. Plain and simple, an obnoxious and shallow conversation. I’m thinking to myself, these people are morons. Mind you I also cannot see their faces.
As they are wrapping up their conversation, they’re talking about how much they like hanging out with eachother because they’re both intelligent people and they like being around intelligent people. Again, I’m thinking, You have got to be kidding me, these people can’t honestly think they are intelligent people, can they? And really, I’m not one to judge, but from what I heard of their conversation, not only was it not an intelligent conversation, it was full of curse words (which, in my opinion, are pointless and they only make you sound less intelligent and “trashy”), they didn’t have an impressive vocabulary outside of the curse words, it was just a flat out ridiculous, annoying, unintelligent conversation. And regardless, intelligent people wouldn’t have a conversation like that in a quiet, public place where there are people sitting, and quitely reading, not more than a few feet away. I chuckled to myself, but never would I have the nerve to actually call them out on their idiocy.
So, feeling a little ashamed that I’m not outspoken enough to say anything, I continue to look for a book when I hear a third voice coming a few feet away from where the original two were sitting. This man says, essentially EVERYTHING that I was thinking. I can’t quote him but it was along the lines of You know, intelligent people wouldn’t talk the way you talk or disrespect the people around you by talking about the things you’re talking about or cursing and being loud. Respect people, treat people how you’d want to be treated. I smiled to myself, and the boy’s voice responds “Hah, that’s funny” and walks away, and shouts “what the FUCK!” (You’re beginning to see how intelligent of a person this guy is, right?) I walk around the corner to where the outspoken man’s voice was coming from and find a bearded man (yes, significant detail) maybe mid 40’s, glasses, sitting in a chair. He looks up at me, I hold my hand up for a high five and he slaps my hand back. and I tell him, “Thank you. I wasn’t brave enough to call them out but everything you said was EXACTLY what I was thinking and I’m really glad you were outspoken enough to say something”…. We talked for a minute, agreeing on eachother’s opinions and said our goodbye and I left.
And I thought on the way home, I’m very glad people are still out there who will call complete strangers out on their crummy behavior. And thought, “That’s worth blogging about”.
Relationships
Feel like finding out a little bit about me? This is the reason why I hate relationships.
Not only has the one relationship I’ve had practically ruined my life and made me cautious and scared and untrusting…. I let the relationship drain the life out of me, and even though I’m not going to let it stay that way, the relationship is over and I’m still trying to get back to the way I used to be. Because when you give someone else so much power over you, at this age it will only end in tragedy. That’s what happened. because when you’re as young as high school, (and i’d love to see proof that i’m wrong)… Nobody is concerned enough about other people to care about whether or not you might completely break that person if you lie, or cheat, or whatever. It’s just too premature.
But also… my own relationship experience aside…
is I’ve seen my friends fall apart and cry and lose all sense of direction when it comes to their relationships. and being their friend it’s hard to see them like that and it makes me want to strangle the person that makes them feel so terrible that they don’t even know what to do with themselves. But the problem is they are still going to keep that person their number one priority. Anybody who disagrees or dislikes that person is like their enemy.
Because people cry to me and vent to me and I’m there for them and then they get mad at me when I disagree with them being together.
No matter what, relationships end in me losing a big part of me.
Whether it be the person I’m with, or my best friend who is with somebody he shouldn’t be.
Relationships have done nothing but ruin my life. Frankly I wish God didn’t give us the ability to feel for each other the way people do because these days NOTHING WORKS.
Because even if I make the decision to keep myself out of a relationship…..
I still can’t get away from them and I end up losing my friends because of them.
I don’t understand loving someone so much that you will give up somebody you claimed to be so important to you.
When I was in a relationship I would have never chosen my boyfriend over one of my best friends.
It doesn’t make sense to me and I will not agree with your relationship until it does.
THAT’S why I hate relationships
Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=86533625&blogId=539321611#ixzz10CBF2xdv
Worthless Dating
Sometimes I wonder how so many of my friends are the types of people who have a new boyfriend/girlfriend every week, and all of their “relationships” start out really “serious” and then they break up so easily and then are on to their next victim within minutes.
Yet I am so opposite of that. You’d think after seeing so many people like that, that I’d kind of… conform to it (for lack of a better term). But I haven’t.
I’m very glad that I’m the type of person that values a real relationship enough to hold out for one, and not constantly be in need of one.
I think having God in my life has alot to do with that contentment.
Just one more reason to say that God makes every aspect of my life better. (:
Once a dog…..
I don’t know if I’m writing this to vent or if I’m writing this to remind myself in the future that he will never EVER change. For TWO YEARS, he’s come in and out of my life how and when he pleases and leaves for whatever reason and almost ALWAYS, that reason is another girl. And every single time I’m left feeling like I wasn’t good enough to make him stay. No, that’s not the case anymore. I’m done. For two years I’ve let him come back when he told me he loved me and that he’s always loved me, and for two years, every single time I thought he would change. How many times does somebody have to fuck you over before you realize that HE’S NEVER GOING TO STOP. This is like a lecture that I give to my friends who are in relationships like this. It’s like there’s no way out of this, though. Everybody in my life HATES him because of what he’s done to me in the past, so when he comes back, I just keep it a secret. LITTLE HINT, THERE’S A REASON EVERYBODY IN YOUR LIFE HATES HIM.
Do I need to make a list of ALL the things wrong with him?
He’s cheated on me every single time we’ve gotten back together.
He’s LIED about cheating on me.
And then accuses me of cheating even when we hadn’t been dating for 6 months at the time that I kissed a boy… (and still weren’t)
He convinced me to take inappropriate pictures for him when i was drunk and send them to him, then dumped me because “i have too many guys in my life”… got a new girlfriend that very day… and then posted one of the pictures as the default on his band myspace, and sent the other one to people i know including my LITTLE SISTER.
he then laughed about.
he doesn’t love god and he MOCKS the fact that i’m a christian.
the list could go on and on.
I hope the next time he tries coming back into my life, I will read this, and I’ll tell him to fuck off.
What I’m too much of a wimp to post on myspace.
I hate when super scenester myspace hot boys with good hair post stupid bulletins with crude language and share their myspace drama with the world….. and then you scroll down and you see like twenty comments from all the little scenie weenie girls who, no matter what their opinions were PRIOR to reading the bulletin, now SUDDENLY agree with whatever was said in the bulletin because he’s got good hair and maybe someday he’ll want to sleep with you because you agree with one thing he said in a myspace bulletin :O
It’s just really ridiculous to me. And I honestly believe that if he wasn’t what the myspace world defines as “attractive”…. there would not be a single comment on that bulletin except for maybe the girls WITH A BRAIN to tell him that he’s a pig.
Girls are so naive, I want to kick MYSELF in the face half the time.
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